Joburg - an improved city

I was compelled to write this blog when my hubby, who was in Cape Town that weekend, expressed shock and disbelief when I told him how the regular Sunday church noise has finally been taken care of.

Let me take a step back:
We live in an old northern suburb of Jozi. We, like most people, whatever class or LSM they belong to, have neighbours. We like to think that we live in civil society where we exercise consideration and respect for eachother. (I choose to ignore the issue of road manners, for that is a sore topic in itself.) Yet, there always has to be the 1% who somehow don't feel the need for sublime neighbourliness.

So our neighbours, bless their souls, decided one day to erect a full-blown church of sorts, on what they thought was their property. The poor thing had no roof or window panes for about a year, it looked like a house whose layers of bricks were laid in a big hurry, and then just abandoned in mid build, as if the builders were fired for horrendous workmanship.

But of course this was not the case. The builders were jostling around in that same building with no roof and no plaster preaching and singing hallelujah every Sunday without fail. Dedicated. Dedicated to the lord of noise was more like it. In fact, our heavy metal devil worship music couldn't drown that lot out.

Yes I love music too, I love it so much everytime there's a beatty rhythm playing in a coffee shop or supermarket, I immediately go into breakdance mode. I struggle to really describe the kind of cacophony that rudely explodes into our space, like a criminal, uninvited and without warning, stealing our privacy, and escalating our heart rates. So much so that we couldn't schedule anything at home during that time from 10:30 to 13:30. It was 3 hours of intense insanity. Drum kits should really not be sold to anyone without a licence and BMus degree. For 3 years it went on like that. And then one day it didn't stop. It carried on until the early evening and I thought, no more Mr. Nice guy.

Just to set the record straight, we were not pathetically grumbling to eachother and not taking any action. After having simmered over to our neighbours and politely asking them to turn the volume down on those megahertz monsters, we had - oh, say a month with some calm before the real storm. New gigahertz giants. In the calm month, we could still hear the furious drummer, we could still make out the words of the enthusiasm lead singer, though we understood nought, and the spurs of hallelujahs that ended off every song like drunken fullstops were quite clear - but at least, glory hallelujah - they were softer.

Don't bother with Metro police, because you will be told to report it to a station, where you will be given a reference number. But they will not actually come and do anything about, until you report it 3 times and get 3 reference numbers, and only then perhaps will they come and assess the situation. But also maybe not.

Imagine sitting in a room where everything is serene and there is some distracting music in the background but you manage to drown it out with the TV or the radio, and then suddenly one day that dreaded music is right in your room, almost strangling you. Gigahertz giants can do that. And that's when I called the Department of environmental health.

I was told to email the details, along with an affidavit, and within one week Mr. Jan van Niekerk called me to say he had assessed the situation. That weekend I waited with bated breath. The clock struck 10:30, 10:40, 11:00. A bird chirped, and then another, the soft trickle of water flowing, aahh ... pure, beautiful bliss.

So that's the story, but as I said in the beginning, I was compelled to write this account, simply because no one seems to know what avenues to take when it comes to noise pollution and environmental health. Nowhere on the internet will you find the names and numbers these valuable contacts, but I have them, and I treasure them like another woman will treasure her hairdresser.

For issues on noise pollution, river pollution, dumping, etc, contact the Department of Environmental Health in your region.